Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Wednesday's Sexy Word of the Week

Dear Sweet Poseidon, it is time for the beach. Do you, my loverly readers, agree?


Yes, we are on a bit of an F kick. I just cannot get over that bottom lip coming under the top teeth. It's so, so sexy. The I is short. Let it slam into the D. That D you can make as hard as you want. It's almost a T. It punches us into the U, on which we must pucker our lips completely. It is the stressed syllable so stress it, for Neptune's sake! The C is a point of contention between myself and the dictionary. They say it should be an SH sound. I disagree. I like it being a plain S the SHing it right at the end, almost imperceptibly. The next three sounds should be totally sandwiched: EEEEAAAAIRRREEEE. Now shorten that little phrase of letters. MAKE IT QUICK! When you finish with the Y, leave your mouth open and stare at me. MMmmmmm...

I like the adjective definition of this word.

--of, based on, or in the nature of trust and confidence, as in public affairs.

Trust and confidence are sexy. Public affairs are sexy. *wink*

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Sunday Zen

To go in the dark with a light is to know the light. To know the dark, go dark. --Wendell Berry

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Wednesday's Sexy Word of the Week

I don't have to post shit everyweek. You're not paying me for this shit. J/k, I love you. I missed you. C'mere and put your hands just inside the waist of my selvedge denim.


Okay, this F, I want you to really flick your bottom lip out on it. Don't make it too obvious but it should definitely send a little puff of wine-soaked breath out with it. Then the E should sound like pen not pin. Got that? Make sure that N doesn't get neglected. Your tongue should make it firmly to the roof of your mouth. Right at that place that always get burned then peels when you bite into a slice of pizza that's way too fucking hot. Keep it going as we roll on to the ES and into that first T. Now most dictionaries are going to tell you that that E we just hit should schwa. That's bullshit. I want you to keep that same sound we used on the other E. Seriously, look in the mirror and schwa it. Yuck! See how unsexy your upper lip becomes? Now, I meant to imply that the EST are going to be quick and they are, but I don't want you just tap that S. (hehe) Make sure it gets attention then on to the T and R. That R should not be rolled. Rather it's that sound that you make with your front teeth together, you know? Almost a CH sound. Long A here and this is the stressed syllable so get it right. Then we're at the home stretch, TION, which all of you know how to do by now. If you don't cling to that N for just a split second longer than the unsexied masses, I will find you.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Sunday Zen

There is no coming to consciousness without pain. --Carl Gustav Jung

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Wednesday's Sexy Word of the Week

Yes, it is definitely spring. And now that we've all decided that these blossoming flowers and chirping birds are going to influence us, we should practice our enunciation. That is to say, we should work on how to use our tongues and lips properly and for maximum effect.


Didn't see that one coming, did you?

We really love Vs. They're similar to Fs. If you start to do a V, then pause and look at her like you mean it. Maybe do that half-wink twitch thing with your left eye that shows how insatiable you are...Where was I? Oh, yes, this is kind of key: make sure to separate the R-sound from the M-sound. Trust me, don't let them run together. The next syllable is the stressed one. MIK! Short I, hard, hard C/K. The long U should pretty much stand alone. Try your best to minimize the desire to YEW from the C. Get it? All we have left is that sexy L and a long A, all punctuated quite nicely by a not-too-hard T.

Are you all trying to figure just what the fuck this one means? Of course you are.

--v. to work or ornament with wavy lines or markings resembling the form or tracks of a worm.

Weird, right? Who would do that?

--adj. sinuous, tortuous, intricate.

That one I kind of like. As a matter of fact, I think I'll try to work that use of the word into conversation today.

Oh, and hey, before you go, here's a little extra sexy for you.